Nothing changed yet everything changed

Nothing changed yet everything changed

It’s been about three months since I boarded that flight back to Switzerland.

Ever since I got back, I wanted to write about my return and verbalize how it feels to be back in my familiar surroundings.

I’ve made numerous attempts to start writing, trying to form a thought in the process, but somehow it never seemed to flow, so I decided to surrender and write it when it felt right.

Today it felt right.

The backstory

Looking back over the past three months, I’ve probably gone through pretty stereotypical phases, starting with the initial excitement of seeing familiar faces, spending my first nights in my own bed, and being able to zone out while walking outside and still get to where I wanted to go.

Blissful as it was, this phase lasted about two weeks.

What followed was a speed train ride into the dark abyss. To put it mildly, it took me by surprise. All it took was two simple words: what now.

I’d just spent six months on vacation, so wanting to leave for another trip wasn’t it. Besides, at that point, my rekindled love for my apartment was still very present. So was my awareness of my current bank balance. Hence, taking a trip? Not the solution. Though I understand anyone planning for their next adventure as soon as they set foot on common ground, it did feel like I would be taking the easy way out. Leave everything behind. Again.

It was and still is important to me that I embark on such adventures for the right reasons. Avoiding confrontation and not facing fears wasn’t it.

It took me a while to readjust back to life. People say that you change when you travel, so you never fully be able to fit back into whatever you left behind. It’s true.

Though soothing at first, I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I’d be put back in exactly the same environment. Same city, same apartment, same job, same gym.

Wasn’t that the environment that made me leave in the first place? Who’s to say I won’t snap back into fight or flight mode at any moment?

The overthinking machine kicked in.

Stay with me, there is a happy takeaway here, as the question that started the journey down that dark alley turned out to be the path to my greatest learning.

The learning

After two weeks of living in this absolute mental nightmare, which, by the way, was (once again) entirely fed by my thoughts, I took a step back and realised something important. Everything was actually fine.

Though I am working the same job, I also somewhat don’t anymore. My daily tasks have completely changed thanks to the end of a certain soul-sucking project, my relationships have improved and I have gone back into full-blown appreciation mode for my surroundings.

It may very well just be a chicken-or-egg type of situation, where I could ask myself what came first. My shift in focus or the subtle changes in my surroundings that went almost unnoticed because I was so caught up in looking at the larger variables that seemed to be unchanged.

We could debate this, but does it matter, really?

While I came to a similar conclusion at my first stop on my journey, when literally every potential external pain point was removed just so I would come to understand that happiness always comes from within, this somehow hit me harder.

My default settings seem unchanged, yet I found paradise in the same environment that urged me to leave a year ago.

I’m getting emotional writing this out.

It was a beautiful reminder of how life’s greatest blessings are sometimes hidden in the little things, and how the feelings of happiness and fulfillment are always lingering in our minds, waiting to be activated by our focus.

I’ve written a bit about how a trip like this can somehow never live up to my expectations, even if no specific goals or milestones have been verbalized. I don’t think I agree with that anymore, as this learning is more than I could have hoped for. The contrast I’ve experienced in all these different environments is something I’ll never forget.

So yeah, nothing has changed and yet everything has.

Love and light to you, and I wish you the best day of your life. Every day.