It took me far too long to understand that this is not a contradiction

It took me far too long to understand that this is not a contradiction

This, what?

What are you talking about, woman?

I’ll get to that, but first let me give you some context.

For most of my life, I’ve never been a fan of planning things. Whether it was something as small as my study sessions back in the day, a birthday party, a vacation, or something arguably more impactful like my aspired career trajectory or my sabbatical for that matter.

Not having a plan is nice. At least, that's what I usually tell myself. Who needs a plan anyway? And how uptight do you have to be to plan your 'fun stuff'? Although my thought process would normally begin with exactly the same level of aversion towards plans in general, I would also repeatedly find myself regretting not dedicating at least some brain cells to a vague battle plan. An orientation that would serve as a kind of measurement of my progress, which would either reassure me that I actually knew what I was doing, or that I was just wasting time and money.

So, yes, I did see a reason for its existence. The problem was, and still is, that this realisation would often come when I was already knee-deep in the 'implementation' phase. It also tends to silently exit my body before the next plannable thing is presented, making me wonder all over again if planning is really that important?

A vicious circle.

To cut me some slack, while it is more stressful to start things without a game plan, I usually manage to get to where I want to be. So, the pain of not having a game plan has never really outweighed my desire to just "see where things go".

That was up until recently.

Here is where my misconception enters the chat.

In the context of 'bigger' life decisions, I thought that having a carefully crafted plan would actually get in the way of going with the flow and letting things unfold.

And isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Surrender and ride the wave of life, no matter the direction?

Yes and no.

If you’re a retired SIMS gamer like me, you might remember how your characters started doing random shit when left without instructions. They didn’t die, they just went on autopilot until you fed them new tasks.

I see some similarities here.

If you hear your spiritual teacher say “just go with the flow”, you gotta admit - as noble and reflected as it may sound - it’s a pretty useless phrase. The flow happens whether we want it to or not. Sure, it can be messier and more chaotic than expected, but flow itself is a neutral thing. The planet you live on continues to orbit and the people around you continue to live their lives whether you want to or not - that's flow to me.

It’s similar to the attraction thing. Attraction – not in the sense of evoking interest towards someone but rather in the sense of things entering your life – is something that happens either way. You don’t have to act to attract, you have to apply conscious thinking to attract what you want, though.

In that sense, the plan isn’t to blame. The way we deal with unpredictable things that seem to interfere with it, is.

So, okay, plans aren’t the villains, but why bother making one if we can’t stick to it?

Much like the helpless sim in your apartment waiting for your next instructions, we need direction in real life, too. That north star that guides us to our ultimate goal in life and gives us a reason to push through when we feel lost.

It’s okay if you don’t have a clear idea of where and who you want to be within a set period of time. But I’d encourage all of us to try envisioning a desired future self. The details aren’t relevant as they are usually the ones that are knocked out of the court when the flow of life is doing its magic anyway.

Defining a future allows us to be more present in the now and helps us take the necessary actions today that are in line with our vision.

It helps us become more certain of the things we don’t want. That way, we won’t be tempted to do every side quest that is presented to us simply because we aren’t sure of what we want in life. It also prevents us from questioning every single life decision because we don’t really know what we want anyway.

How do you know if you have found your perfect partner if you have never really taken the time to define a successful relationship for yourself? How do you know if the job you're in is in line with your future self if the furthest thing you've planned is taco night with the girls next Saturday?

Having a plan and going with the flow are two concepts that not only work well together, but are an integral part of one another.

Going with the flow is a way of life. People who have mastered it don’t lose it when they find themselves at a crossroads or faced with an unpredictable event. It allows them to overcome obstacles, to sit with uncertainty and to reflect on things without immediately falling into the dark abyss of despair. Taking the time to define a plan, a vision or a goal for ourselves helps us live our lives in a more determined and grounded way.

If you were an anti-planner before reading this but have since come to recognise the importance of a plan, then I’m quite happy with that already.

As a notorious anti-planner though, chances are, there’s a reason for your plan-ditching habits. The most common thing that gets in the way? Having no idea what to write on the blank page in front of us.

Not a single clue.

Don’t worry. I’ve been there and to be frank, I revisit that “what tf do I actually want?” thought process every so often.

So, I guess I’m qualified to say I can relate.

There’s one question I ask myself periodically, to assess if I’m actually working towards an aspired goal or not. It’s aggressively simple, but it works like a charm - at least for me.

Mind you, this doesn’t require you to know what you want or don’t want. All this is asking is: If you change nothing and continue down that road you’re taking for the next ten years *insert subject you’re unsure of*, would you be excited or does that idea scare you?

This thought process is basically a uno-reverse card to that well-defined plan you laid out for yourself in an ideal world. In any case, it is a pretty good starting point for a plan. At least in my view.

Pro-tip: We tend to ask for advice when we don't know what to do with our lives. The truth is that deep down we all know. We all have a well-functioning intuition. It’s just a question of whether you’re brave enough to listen to it, even if it doesn't make sense at first.

So, *grabs my ice coffee and proceeds to walk out the door*– that’s all I have. Happy thinking and remember: You know best and go with the flow after you’ve written something in your notebook.