Why feeling sad on your time-off might be a blessing in disguise.
Why feeling sad on your time-off might be a blessing in disguise.
Okay, so your first reaction might be, “Girl, you good?” Which is understandable, but hear me out on this.
It’s been a hot minute since I left my hometown — at least in my humble understanding of taking a break. I wasn’t expecting to feel amazing, light-hearted, and generally in a good mood every single day, but then again, I kinda was.
When we feel stuck in our everyday lives, when we look at our phones and see people living their best lives on the other side of the screen, we’re tempted to think, “Man, I’d feel so much better if I could just sip on that fresh coconut in Mexico right now.” I’m not saying you won’t — in fact, you probably will, but that feeling, like any other spike of emotion, will fade. Worse, a feeling of normality, mundanity, heck, even indifference, will slowly creep in. Sure, you might finally be on the other side of the screen, “living your best life” and getting all those comments from people wishing they were you.
Sitting at the beach, however, you can’t help but feel a sense of emptiness. Your dopamine-saturated brain is struggling to reach that Zen state you were so sure you could enter so easily. As your mind struggles to rest, you also start to feel an unusual amount of sand in parts of your body that shouldn’t be there. You may feel the midday sun burning on your legs as you try to brush off the stubborn sand sticking to your skin, and then it hits you: “Oh my god, am I not enjoying this?” You feel the guilt and shame bubbling up inside you as you realize that you are still finding things to b*tch about. “How can this be, man? I’m supposed to be feeling good right now.”
So, here you are in literal paradise, feeling irritated. Even though you realize how ridiculous you are right now, you can’t seem to get out of your mood (don’t worry, we’ve all been there), which, in turn, makes you feel even worse.
That’s a pickle.
At this point, you may be searching for the “blessing” teased in the title. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that — just keep reading.
So we painted the picture: you are technically experiencing heaven on earth. You can do whatever you feel like doing, you’re surrounded by breathtaking nature, fresh coconuts, and you’re looking at a free work schedule. Objectively speaking, there are no external factors that could trigger your irritation, and yet you just. don’t. feel. it.
You’ve already set yourself up in a perfect environment. So what else do you have power over?
That’s right — you and your thoughts. More precisely, your focus.
The sand-breading situation is not to blame here. Nor is the sun the reason why you can’t be in that desired Zen state. It’s you. You were the problem all along. I want to be very clear here, and deliberately chose not to sugarcoat this (radical self-ownership and all that). Seriously. Take a deep breath and focus on the good. It’s easier to do that when you step out of your bubble. The reason is that the contrast between your emotions and your surroundings is more extreme.
It’s easy to feel irritated while in your day-to-day life. After all, you have bills to pay, work to do, and are expected to have your shit together 24/7. You can rationalize your emotions and come up with a handful of things that can seemingly justify your thoughts and feelings. It all makes sense.
As long as you stay in that bubble.
But when you step out of it and still feel negative emotions, that’s when it gets really uncomfortable. You're finally forced to shift your focus. The only alternative would be to feel depressed in paradise, and that will not end well…
Realizing this, however, is such a powerful tool. It makes you wonder: if I applied the same principle back home, would life become more enjoyable? What if, instead, I started to count my blessings back home, too?
I’m not reinventing the wheel here — it’s called practicing gratitude.
What I’ve come to realize is that your favorite gurus and the David Gogginses out there might just be talking about the same thing. I believe that radical ownership and practicing gratitude go hand in hand. You decide what you’re going to focus on every day. Focus on the beauty in everyday life, and it will reveal itself to you. It doesn’t happen within hours or days; it happens instantly.
And let me tell you. It works like magic. At the very least, you will feel better about yourself and your life, which is already a pretty good thing.
And that is why, my love, I believe that feeling shitty in seemingly perfect circumstances is a blessing in disguise — if you’re willing to take the necessary action to refocus.
