The cost of reinventing yourself

The cost of reinventing yourself

I assume you know exactly where I'm going with this. While I'm not a fan of stating the obvious and don't like to reiterate what has been said for centuries, I do like to put certain ideas in a practical context. And that's just a very long and wonky way of saying life experience and the subsequent learning from it = I like.

There are some universal truths we live by that are undisputed by the vast majority of people, like the importance of taking breaks, that feeling sad shouldn't be the norm, that we should always pursue our dreams and just generally live, laugh, love (ha, I went there. who’s gonna stop me).

While all these universal truths exist, it's still interesting to me how we go from a very firm "yes" to a "yes, but" very quickly as life happens. This slippery slope from pure, unshakable commitment to I-don't-really-want/need-it-THAT much is a very typical trajectory for most people when it comes to their own goals and desires.

It took me many years to understand that having a goal, a dream or even a vision is not the problem. We all have it. We all have at least one thing we aspire to become, invent, learn or experience. In that sense, the vast majority of us would probably agree that pursuing our dreams is absolutely how we should live our lives.

Yes, but…

If everyone agrees, why are people still out here working a 9-5 they objectively don't like, why isn't everyone walking around in their own perceived dream body, and why don't we.. just.. go for it?

Because motivation wanes. Really fucking fast.

I like to take one’s fitness journey as an example, as it so beautifully demonstrates how striving for a six-pack is so much more than just doing your 10-minute ab workout on YouTube and otherwise continuing on with your life without making any changes to your lifestyle.

You could show up consistently, perfect the form and intensity of the exercises, feel that little satisfying burn after your workout, but if you're blessed with a little belly fat protecting your intestines, then guess what, you probably won't see the results.

I'm not saying the ab routine is to blame. (That's probably the only thing that will consistently get you closer to your dream physique). The things you are not willing to give up are. The devil is in the detail and the changes may seem insignificant on their own, like swapping a fruit smoothie for a black coffee, a sugary drink for water, limiting your screen time at night, moving your body for 10 minutes before sitting at your desk and so on. However, all these micro-decisions add up to help you achieve your fitness goal.

When we think about our goals, we usually think of all the new habits we need to incorporate to achieve a set goal. While this is an important part, it's not the whole story. We usually neglect the other part, and that is having to give up certain habits that are holding us back from becoming the person we aspire to be. Just like that ab workout you started (which is good and necessary!), we also need to make changes to our current habits to see progress. If your goal is to show up at the gym at 7am every morning, it logically implies that you can't pull an all-nighter before. Similarly, weighing the amount of almonds you put in your Greek yogurt only to finish a whole bottle of wine at dinner later that day isn't really the way to go. In short, it requires a lifestyle change. And that's harder than we think.

Addressing the issue

Most of us fail to achieve our goals not because we're unwilling to try new things, but because we're unwilling to give up our old habits.

Many claim that they would quit their 9-5 in a heartbeat and pursue their dreams if they could. But is that really the case? Sure, that 9-5 might suck the life out of your soul, but you know what? It also pays your bills. You also get to see your favorite co-worker and might even get a free coffee and a paid subsequent shit if your digestive system is functioning properly. A 9-5 is convenient, and it gives us security. As unsexy as it sounds, the alternative is far less attractive to most people.

Also, going back to our 'universal truths', I think we can all agree that drinking alcohol is bad for you. There may be some debate about the amount of alcohol per person and per serving, but overall, we can't deny the fact that alcohol just isn't cutting in on a nutritional level. Does this stop most of us from having an occasional drink? Not really. But here's the thing. It's not the act of drinking that's so tempting for most of us. More often that not it's the social aspect that we value so highly. There's usually a very practical reason behind this "bad habit" that we still cling to.

If we want to lose weight, then sure, signing up for a gym membership is a very good place to start, but it is also crucial to understand why we gained the weight in the first place. Stress eating is a very common thing these days. We get caught up in work, need to stay in extra hours and are expected to function in a hectic environment. Sticking to a strict diet in that setting is a very hard thing to do. Rather than adding to our stress by trying to fit new habits into an already packed work schedule, it makes sense to get to the root of the issue and try to limit the amount of stress we experience. In this scenario, food isn't the enemy, the hectic lifestyle causing you to crave more food is. Food was the friend who helped you forget about stress for a moment, so why let go of that one thing you enjoy so much?

Before shitting on your habits you so desperately want to let go of, ask yourself first, what it is that makes you stick to it. Most of our habits, as objectively bad as they may seem, serve an underlying purpose.

A lot of my not-so-efficient (lol) habits revolve around letting off steam and just chilling out for a bit. So, naturally, every new thing I try to force myself to learn and love from the get-go is very much getting in the way of my desired relaxed state.

As long as the pain of staying the same doesn't outweigh the pain of change, we won't stick to the new habit.

The success formula

If we want to be successful in our little endeavor to change ourselves, we have to be one thing - stay consistent. Easy right?

Umm, not really. As we have already established, motivation is an unreliable piece of sh*t. So, how else can we make sure we stay consistent?

I've found that, especially in the early stages, it helps to have people around that push you or hold you accountable in case you want to throw the towel. Yes, like that one colleague who helps you stay sane and not quit your job on the spot. But seriously, it helps to surround yourself with like-minded people who have similar goals and ambitions in life, or are working towards the same thing (even better!). Our social circle has a very powerful influence on our behaviour - both good and bad. If your social circle is consistently hindering your process, then you might want to remove yourself from that group. And that in itself is a very high price to pay.

If you have to do it yourself, it's arguably harder to be your own coach. Motivating yourself simply because you have to stay consistent in that one thing you don't really enjoy is again very hard. One of the few things I'm very consistent about is dropping things that I just don't want to do anymore or that seem too difficult to stick with. I'm aware that I sound like a weak-ass snowflake, but that's just the reality.

I have to work towards something. A vision that is bigger than the pain I feel in the exact moment of having to do a certain task. If the vision isn't there, then what's the point of it, anyway?

And the last ingredient? Have fun doing it. This part usually comes when we start to see some progress and have evidence that what we're doing is going in the right direction. It helps to track your own progress because we tend to forget how far we've actually come by the time the first real crisis hits. All those worries about not being able to see results start to bubble up and try to get in the way. Keeping track of things usually helps to throw these thoughts out the window. Even if it's hard, try to enjoy the process of learning and failing. People won't give a shit until that one thing you're working on becomes really big, so you might as well enjoy the process and cheer yourself on.

Reinventing yourself isn't easy. Getting abs isn't easy. Staying consistent isn't easy, but no pain is greater than the pain of regret caused by inaction.

So, keep reinventing yourself and have fun doing it.